


My Beautiful God

by thegreatficmaster



Series: Supernatural Collection [110]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Gen, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Reader-Insert, Regret, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 04:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20269753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatficmaster/pseuds/thegreatficmaster
Summary: No matter what he’s done, he’ll always be the one for you. He’ll always have your heart.





	My Beautiful God

I never knew just how much I could hurt.

I’d never had anyone to love.

Not truly.

But then you came along. With your smile. Your joy. Your entire soul radiating love and perfection.

It was in that moment that I truly realized, despite how flawed my creations had been throughout their entire existence, there was always that single thing that was beyond anything in existence.

That one work of art that stood above the rest, that drowned out any other beauty in the world and took centre stage.

And for me, that was you.

The way just that first glance of your face got my heart racing, got me craving to see you.

Of course, waiting all those months before we even crossed paths once more was difficult, but I knew we’d meet again.

And when we did…well, that was when I realized you were all I wanted.

Even if you did slightly terrify me.

But that was one of the things I fell for.

The fact that you were so strong. That you never let anyone talk down to you. You never just sat and listened to people insult you, your friends or anyone.

That just wasn’t you.

And as we spent more time together, I realized you were everything I wasn’t.

You never ran away from anything.

You never hid. You confronted each problem no matter what happened.

You were like a cannonball, knocking down every obstacle in sight, or at least trying your hardest to get over them.

The love I had for you could only grow as I got to know you more.

I had no idea if I’d ever stop finding something new to love.

Whether it was the way you’d roll your eyes when I told some stupid joke, or the way you’d smirk when I teased you.

Or even the way you blushed when I first said ‘_I love you’_, your moans and pants as I made love to you that night, etched into memory as the sweetest sounds to ever exist.

I adored you.

Just having you in my arms made me feel more complete than I ever had before.

But, just like everything else in this world, it had to end.

They Winchesters just had to get me involved.

Had to bring the attention of the angels onto me.

And I couldn’t have that.

I couldn’t have them knowing who I was. 

Knowing that I was here all this time.

I vowed not to intervene with their business, with their feud.

But somehow, I was right in the middle of it.

And that put you right there with me.

Even if I begged you over and over to leave, you never did.

Not even when you found out about monsters. Angels. Demons. Lucifer himself.

You knew there was a risk in being with me, but you stayed.

Me? Well, I drank, I barely bathed and I was a mess.

But you never once wavered.

I guess that was love. 

Sticking by that one person, never letting them go, no matter what. 

Trying your hardest to get them back on track and be there for them.

Except, to me, love wasn’t worth the risk it brought to you.

I couldn’t watch you die.

I couldn’t watch an angel, a demon, or anyone, take your life.

So I did what I had to do.

I waited until it was all over, until I at least knew the world wasn’t ending.

Then, I vanished.

No note. 

No final goodbye.

No nothing.

It was best that way. 

I knew the angels would still be looking for me.

A prophet would be useful for those who still followed Michael, who still believed in that final battle.

And the only way to make sure they wouldn’t target you, was to leave you with questions.

Leave you unknowing of what happened to me, even if it did break my heart to know I would most likely never see you again.

And I didn’t.

I heard you call for me so many times. 

I heard you praying to the me you never knew I was. 

Pray that I delivered the love of your life back to you.

You’d keep calling my name, but I was long gone. 

I blocked out your prayers to both versions of me.

I should’ve known that was a mistake.

Should’ve known that you’d have called out to me when the angel attacked you.

But I was stupid enough to think blocking you out was the best.

So you left this world before I could speak to you again. 

Before I could apologize for leaving. 

Before I could feel you next to me.

And on those rainy days, on those days where I contemplate what’s happened to my creation, my perfect world, I feel an aching pain.

A pain that no one should have to suffer.

A pain that I caused myself.

The pain of loss.

The pain of farewells.

The pain of love.

I hear you.

I hear you walking around, but never coming back to me.

There was once a time when you’d never let me go.

You’d show up outside my house, waiting until I opened the door, a grin on your face.

You always knew just how to make me smile.

Always knew exactly what to do to make my day better.

I guess that’s what I loved about you.

You knew me better than anyone. Knew what I needed and knew what I wanted. You just knew me.

I think that was what made it more painful.

The fact that you knew me so well, yet you left me so easily.

Did you also know that’d break me? 

Did you know that I’d live the few years I had left on this earth, miserable and alone?

That I’d never move on from you, because for me, you were it.

You were the one I saw myself with till the day I died, wrinkly and holding hands on our death bed.

You must have known. 

Yet you still did it.

Still threw my heart away like it was nothing. 

Just disappeared on me.

Those years when you’d never be at my door, never be passing and just ‘decide to stop by’, never be in my bed, holding me in your arms, they were the most painful years I’d had to endure.

But then, it all ended.

A whoosh of wings and I left the world.

That was when I saw it all. 

The bigger picture.

Because, you weren’t just Chuck Shurley, the man I fell in love with. The man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

No. 

You were God.

Capital G-O-D.

The creator of everything.

The father who abandoned heaven.

They still crave you to this day, the angels.

Still wish their father would come back and give them what they all needed.

Guidance. Love. Acceptance.

But I know better than anyone that you won’t come back.

No matter how many times I’ve heard you sneak up into heaven. 

No matter how many times I’ve heard you pacing in front of my door. 

No matter how many times I’ve wished the doorknob would twist and you’d finally join me.

I knew you never would.

I knew you never could.

And if you weren’t willing to join me in eternal paradise, there was no way you’d return for your children.

And I should hate you for that.

I should hate you for abandoning me. 

For abandoning the children who needed you back.

But, no matter what I tell myself, I know that could never happen.

Although you may have broken my heart, Chuck Shurley, I know you’ll always be the one for me.

Even if we’ll never meet again, I’ll always wait for you to join me in heaven.

I’ll wait for you to come back to me.

But until you’re ready…Farewell, my beautiful God.

Farewell.


End file.
